guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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