i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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