Having a random hookup so left but love u
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
