Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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