Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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