Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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