"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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