just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
