Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Your tits are I can't wait for
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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