Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
