I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
