I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Welp...herpes.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
