I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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