i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
