i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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