I think I won the penis lottery.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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