I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
