hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
