Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
