my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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