um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
