This dress was meant to end up on your floor
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
