Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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