You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
