We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
