i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
