she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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