seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
