you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
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Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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