Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
