I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
