thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
