I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
