Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
