I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
