I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
