My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
