I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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