your room smells of hookers.
And success
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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