I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
