Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
