You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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