Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i black out too much to be "responsible"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
