I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize