After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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