you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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