i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
