I'm lost and stupid without you.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you inspire me to be a worse person
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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