I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
