I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
