I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
