so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
