I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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