Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
