that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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