A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize