Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
