I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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