You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I am naked and annoyed.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
