I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
