i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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