singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
