Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
