i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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