I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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