Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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