Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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