Quick, to the slutcave!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
