A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i now understand why vodka
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
