youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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