Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
