I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
