its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
