He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
