She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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